4 stages of completely getting over someone

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Part of the reason why breakups are so hard is that they always leave you with lingering hope. Will you two get back together five months from now? What about 10? Maybe someday, somewhere, you’ll meet again, and find your way back into love. The sad truth is, second chances are overrated. If the two of you aren’t able to be together now, there’s a high probability it’ll be the same in the future. And that’s why you should move on. But moving on is a process: you will need to take certain steps to completely get over someone. Time for some tough love.

1. Don’t try to remain friends

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Sure, maybe remaining friends will be easy to do if things were casual between the two of you. But if you have to work towards getting over that person, chances are, things between you were more than casual. Remaining friends is what keeps that lingering hope in your mind. You’ll always seek to impress your ex, and ask him/her out under the guise of a friendly meetup, but you’ll grow even more disenchanted and disillusioned when he/she doesn’t even look your way.

2. Don’t complain about the breakup incessantly

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Trying to win your mutual friends, or just your friends, over doesn’t mean anything. Appearing to others as the better half in the relationship may seem like it will also change your perspective of the relationship – you’ll become convinced that that relationship was no good for you anyway, and that you were settling for your ex in the first place.

But this complaining quickly develops into an obsession – you’ll start vindictively combing your memories to find more things that he/she did wrong, so you’ll be able to reinforce the notion of yourself as a wonderful person anyone would be lucky to date. Instead of whining, focus on yourself.

3. Desperation

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You can’t get any more cliched than trying to win the breakup. A facade of desirability doesn’t change the fact that your ex simply didn’t want you. And he/she won’t want you back no matter how many gentlemen/ladies you surround yourself with, or how much of an “upgrade” your rebound is.

4. Delete everything from the past

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This is the last step because at this point, you’ll probably have realised that you have next to no chance of rekindling your past love. And here’s when you need to let go of past Whatsapp messages, past gifts, and past photos, because there’s really no point in holding on to them and holding out hope anymore. Your sentimentality will be more meaningful elsewhere. And for the memories you think are indelible, you’ll forget them with time as well.

A breakup is always a sad affair, but clinging on after a breakup is foolish, and will make you even sadder. To completely move on from a breakup, you need to be able to first eliminate all hope of the two of you getting back together, and then remove all physical evidence of your ex having ever been an important presence in your life. Then, let the recollections of the good times you’ve shared be gradually washed away by the rivulets of time.

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