If you’ve been through as many break ups as we have, you’ll agree it never gets any easier. Every break up feels like it’s the first. It’s like you’ve got the air knocked out of your chest. You suddenly forget to breathe. The pain feels foreign and new every single time, and you want it gone. You sit through waves of condolences, followed by repetitive reassurances that your ex wasn’t the One, and that you’ll move on in no time. But all you hear is blah blah blah.
The truth is, you will get over the break-up, eventually. And it’s by getting through it in your own time.
At LunchClick, we believe there’s an art to getting through a break-up, and we’ll share it with you to help you come out the other side feeling good. The process of getting through a break up has to be handled with care, as to not be detrimental to your well-being. When heartbreaks are not dealt with appropriately, that’s when you carry baggage into the next relationship. So without further ado, here are some tips on how to deal with a breakup:
#1: Get out of bed, and have a shower
We’ve all been there. When it seems as if the world around you has shattered into shards, and one of them found its way through your heart, all you want to do is crawl under a rock and perish. As hard as it is to do, the initial step is to drag yourself out of bed or couch, and have a shower! Trust us, it’s that much harder getting over heartbreak when you’re looking unkempt to the point that you wouldn’t even pity-date yourself.
#2: Write a letter
Write a goodbye letter to your ex on pen and paper, and you can either tear it up or store it away. Avoid using your phone to ensure that you don’t accidentally send it. Channel your emotions into the letter, and tell your ex your honest opinion and true feelings about the break-up and relationship. Not only is it therapeutic, but by putting all your emotions in words, it hopefully gives you closure. We also find scribbling frantically on paper helps to channel out the built up anger.
#3: It’s okay to dwell on it
Push away the urge of wanting to be left on your own, and invite your close friends over for some company. We hear so often that it’s best to not dwell on the past, and only time can heal all wounds. A recent study says otherwise. Dwelling on the details of the break-up, and the events leading up to it, as well as how you’re feeling, can restore your sense of self and mend that broken heart. Psychologists have accepted it as an effective coping mechanism, and so you’re allowed to dwell as long as you need to, to aid the healing process. Just be sure to stock up on boxes of Kleenex and tubs of ice-cream.
#4: Don’t blame yourself
Dwelling is good, but don’t start blaming yourself for the split. You shouldn’t take it personally. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not any less desirable – it’s just that the both of you aren’t compatible anymore. There will still be other people out there who will want to be with you and love you.
#5: Accept and let go
Embrace the fact that the relationship is over. To move forward is to let go. This means unfriending your ex on Facebook, Instagram and other means of social media. Trust us on this one. The tendency of wanting to know what your ex is up to is very high. And what you’ll discover may undo the great progress you’ve obtained so far. You do not need the constant post-relationship updates of the nice life your ex is having, as well as who they’re romantically involved with, do you? And don’t think of keeping score on who’s coping with the split better either. It always backfires!
#6: Be positive
You’ve won half the battle just by having a positive outlook on a rather depressing situation. Believe that the break-up happened for a reason, and that the Universe has someone better in store for you. Why not view it as a great opportunity to get to know yourself in depth, and spend more time with yourself, as all that gets easily forgotten when you’re in a relationship. Travel solo to countries you’ve always wanted to visit, and meet other singles!
#7: Learn to love yourself
When we’re in a relationship, we may get used to putting others’ needs before ours. Use this time to go out and do all the things YOU love. Dress up and take yourself out on a date to a lovely restaurant. Treat yourself to a nice gift. And just enjoy your own company. Love yourself. When you truly do, you wouldn’t seek love elsewhere. Nor would you be so disappointed if the other person failed to.
#8: Go on group dates
It may be too early for a one-to-one date, but a group date is a less committed and more relaxed way to meet new people. Go on themed group dates where you’ll get to meet like-minded individuals, and expand your social circle. Do not feel pressured or rushed to ‘meet’ someone. You’ve come this far in the healing process, you wouldn’t want to take a hundred steps backwards if it went wrong.
At the end of the day, heartbreaks are mendable, but at what cost? Basically, it’s all about being conscious of the different stages of the healing process, including dealing with break-ups in ways that’ll be beneficial for you in the long run. Hope what we’ve shared with you will have you come out of the break-up feeling enriched and stronger.
LunchClick is Singapore’s first female-centric dating app, developed by the dating experts behind the Lunch Actually Group, the biggest dating agency in South East Asia with over 10 years of proven track record. LunchClick is perfect for serious daters and singles looking to find love – we’re SDN (Social Development Network) accredited, and we manually approve all profiles to ensure that you only meet genuine & quality singles. No swiping, no chatting, just offline dates! What are you waiting for? Download the app on the Play Store or App Store today!