6 signs you’re ready to settle down

By Thea Lee 1 year ago1 Comment
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Maybe you’ve been dating someone for a really long time. Maybe you’re just not getting any younger. In any case, you’re starting to feel this nagging urge to get a ring on your finger. How do you know whether it’s your body reminding you to start producing offspring, societal pressure to get married and start a family, or you actually being ready to settle down? Well, here are a few signs you’ve found the right one to settle down with.

1. You both feel supported in the relationship

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Being supportive of each other is a remarkable feat in itself. We are all pretty competitive – that’s probably the primal instinct in us. And living in this Darwinian world means you’ll often be comparing yourself with and pitting yourself against your peers. If both of you genuinely celebrate each other’s accomplishments and are proud of what each other has achieved, it means both of you have already established teamwork in your relationship. Both of you are fighting on the same side.

2. You share similar goals

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If you’re a fan of How I Met Your Mother, you probably remember this conversation:

Ted: Seriously, where do you see yourself in five years?
Robin: Where do you see yourself?
Ted: Honestly, in five years, I’d probably want to be married.
Robin: And I’d probably want to be in Argentina.
Ted: Argentina?
Robin: Or Tokyo, or Paris. Look Ted, I don’t know where I’m gonna be in five years. I don’t wanna know. I want my life to be an adventure.
Ted: We have an expiration date, don’t we?

The all-important question about each other’s visions led to their breakup. And the truth is, if the two of you see yourselves moving in different directions, you won’t be happy settling down together. One of you will have to give something up.

3. Neither of you wants to change each other

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If you’re settling down in the hope of being able to resolve differences over a long marriage, chances are, the marriage won’t be as long as you think. You need to feel like you’ll be happy with your future spouse just the way he/she is. Otherwise, every fight you have in your marriage will revolve around the same few issues, until you reach your boiling point and end things.

4. Both of you manage to fight in a mature fashion

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If emotional blackmail is on the table and all your fights are no-holds-barred, then it’s a sign you two shouldn’t get married. These fights are often seen as passionate – after all, you only fight like this with people you care deeply about. But passion doesn’t sustain a marriage; mutual understanding does. So, are the two of you prepared to compromise during fights and not resort to underhanded methods to get what you want? If so, congratulations! You’re likely to live out a blissful marriage.

5. You always consider how your choices impact each other

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You’re important to you, but so is your partner. And this means you won’t make any decisions without taking into account your partner’s feelings and best interests. Does this sound like you? Do you think your partner feels the same way? If you answered “yes” to both questions, then that’s a good sign you’re ready to settle down. Consideration for your partner means you won’t make any rash decisions that jeopardise your relationship during your marriage. You won’t, for instance, take an overseas job offer without first considering whether your spouse has good prospects there or whether he/she will be comfortable with a long-term long distance relationship.

6. You’ve seen each other’s worst, ugliest times and still want to be together

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What is marriage without the comfort factor? Without being certain in the knowledge that your special someone will love you in sickness, in poverty, and when you’re not looking your best or on your best behaviour, you can’t get married to that person. If you constantly feel like you’re being judged for your behaviour, or if your partner gets disproportionately angry at your occasional irrational bursts of anger (take note that the key word here is occasional!), then the relationship may not last.

You should know when you’ve found The One. But just because your current boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t check all the boxes, you don’t have to break up with him/her right away – it may just be too soon to tell! Marriage isn’t all smooth-sailing; it’s also a lot of work. Find someone who you can work with, and who you want to work to be a better husband/wife for.

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About

 Thea Lee

  (52 articles)

Thea blunders through life hoping to save enough to travel to Verona, Italy and become a Juliet's Secretary, while moonlighting as a waitress at a romantic Italian cafe on the side. She has grown up on a steady diet of romcoms - and clearly, she is "you are what you eat" in motion - she aims to turn her own life into one. She is idealistic, quick-witted (many say that about themselves, but she has references) and unathletic. She would tell you more about what she does in her spare time, but she doesn't have much of that, so she hopes this suffices.

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