Let’s face it: you are probably too absorbed in your quest for love or trying to appease your other half to care what the world thinks of your relationship.
The people that you have probably been with longer than your current squeeze would be your childhood friends, best friends — those that have seen you through the crazy nights in the clubs, through even crazier heartbreaks and worries, and everything else in between. And I can tell you this: they see your quest for love in its entirety, warts and all.
My best friends are always my bullcrap meter whenever I need a second opinion, or when I do not even need it at all. People will talk behind your back anyway, so might as well get them to come clean, no? When you hear any one of these five hard truths about love from your friends, it is not because they hate you.
If they did, they would have thrown you into the Singapore River a long time go. And scratched your car.
In no order of heavy-handed criticism…
1) You are too ugly for your partner.
Here’s the best bit: he or she will not care at all. Most couples end up in a vicious cycle of trying to find the other half that is ideal, or better off than the previous one. (Sorry, exes.) Here is where they end up at: singlehood. Some end up there forever.
Relationships are not about finding the perfect half, but about accepting one’s imperfections and that of your partner too. So that means it’s okay to have a bit of flab or to wake up with tousled hair and dark circles. On that note, it’s also okay to wear your heart on your sleeve — never walk around as if you have no insecurities and doubts about yourself and the world.
Most importantly: never over-inflate yourself. It will not be a nice feeling when your partner finds out he or she snagged The Perfect One, only to find out that you lied about your job and house type.
Yeah, your friends will judge your not-so-perfect relationship. But once they see that the both of you love each other unconditionally despite the flaws, they will realise that is the ‘perfect’ relationship we all desire for.
2) Nobody wants to hear you speak, so shut up.
Seriously, when the only thing making sound in the room is you yabbering on about how much you hate paying so much money for a top-tier gym membership, do not blame your friends if they too start making excuses not to meet you for coffee.
The world around you speaks louder than you do, and it can teach you much more if you just learn to shut that trap of yours and keep an ear on the ground. In love and relationships, listen to your partner and I do not mean just by words — body language, foreboding and other cues tell much more about a person.
For example, see how he or she reacts when you introduce a few varying topics. Notice those little moments and point them out — “You paused for a second there”. Then, let them explain themselves. You will find they will begin to endear themselves to you because you picked up what was between the lines.
Similarly, what they do not say about you is louder than what they do.
3) So now that you are attached, you pretend like you do not have friends?
Do not commit the big sin: choosing one thing over the other. Nothing is mutually exclusive — you can hang out with your friends and still have a relationship. If your partner complains, you can tell him/her to take a hike. (Really, not enough people do this.)
Tough decisions must be made along your journey in a relationship, and you must not be afraid to vocalise them and discuss the options. Is it time I made a stand about those who disapprove of our relationship? Am I doing enough to provide for myself and my partner? Are these Ugg couple boots making us look bad?
After you have listened to yourself and the world around you, making these decisions will be easier. Your partner does not have to agree, but what matters is the both of you sat together and respected each other’s position. So for God’s sakes, please do not forget your friends on Saturday nights?
4) You will never get The One if you just sit there and do nothing.
This sounds like the antithesis of the first statement on top of this article, but we are not asking you to change yourself to improve your chances in the dating scene. We are asking you to enhance what you already have — something not too over-the-top, but just an improvement towards a better you.
Leading a sedentary life? Before you get a heart attack, get moving in the gym. Passionate in baking? Make it a point to bake some macarons or cookies on the weekend. Feeling a bit empty on the inside? Take a few hours out of your Sunday to volunteer for the aged or the less well-off.
Just before you know it, you would have started on a path of rediscovering yourself and delving deeper into your passions. That tenacity and fulfilment will not only reverberate off yourself, but resonate with others who want to get to know you. Do not take it overboard and do not do something you are too uncomfortable with. But, it always helps to live life slightly off the edge, no?
5) All your Instagrams with him/her will mean nothing next week.
Taking wefies at other countries endlessly? Setting up the table for the perfect #foodporn shot? What does all of that mean when at the end of the day, you are still going to be stuck in a contract job and your partner has to resort to blog advertorials to make ends meet?
The less time you spend trying to salvage little bits of memories today, the more time you have to make sure those future memories will be bountiful and endless. So, stop, lay down that VSCO Cam app, and start thinking long-term.
Settle those debts first, never spend on credit, do not take loans you cannot repay within six months and hold off on those big-ticket luxuries. If your job is unstable, find an escape route before it is too late. And please, remember the golden rules: save, save, save.
Would you rather pick the good-looking clubber or the one with stable financial security as your partner?
If all else fails, never ride on someone’s coattails. Have your own hustle and never pilfer off someone’s coffers. You never know if they will turn their backs on you or — gasp! — they still get their money from Mummy and Daddy.
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