The appeal (and danger) of “older men”

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Yoko Ono thought better of us women. So did Madonna when she implored us to fight the proverbial music of the times. They didn’t believe that true happiness came through men whose maturity in years implied wisdom, extravagant lifestyles and financial stability. They didn’t believe that women ought not to struggle, but simply find satisfaction in being objects of beauty. They didn’t believe in surrendering their autonomy for the lifestyles they couldn’t afford on their own in their younger years.


Yet, it‘s easy to fall prey to the attention and affections showered upon us by the type of men who seemingly have the world at their feet. Decked in sharp suits at the wheel of swanky continental cars, such “Richard-Gere-esque” men suggest that they can have any woman they want. The appeal becomes all too real when women are intoxicated by the achievable reality of a life that dreams are made of. The lines are blurred between love and access— exclusive tasting-menu dinners and designer shoes and bags in exchange for love and affection.




It’s addictive to get the things that most women desire at the swipe of someone else’s credit card. Some girls make this their aim in life; being ferried to high teas, pampered at spas, regaled with stories about work politics that make us feel mature beyond our years, admired like exotic animals, and envied by friends who see you being whisked away in that Porsche after a night out. Plus, the older guy should have the right answers to life, give the right kind of guidance, and provide all the right means to make life so much more bearable.




So that guy from your first year in university, waiting for the day you would acknowledge his existence, could never stand a chance against the “older guy”, could he? But this young chap knows you—believe me, I see you for who you are, a human being, someone who struggles to be understood who actually wants something out of life. He knows because he’s going through it too. He’s not saying that he’s been there but come on, life isn’t that hard. He’s not going to tell you to keep your opposing opinions to yourself when you meet his friends, wondering why you just don’t understand. He’s not going to insist that you keep your hair a certain length. He’s not going to look at you with the mild condescension of someone who’s already succeeded, wondering why people freak out about first interviews or oh, peer pressure.




Still, you spend weeks mulling over your possibilities. Take all the time you want. It could take more than two Mr. Wrongs to make a Mr. Right. In fact, even after you figure out what you want—emotional connection, lifelong support, otherworldly intimacy, or excellent publicity—in a relationship, you‘ll never feel absolutely sure.




Just don’t do it because you think that older men are always more mature, and that they always have it all figured out. Ask yourself what sort of relationship you’d like then give other suitors a chance. Even if he happens to be just starting out in life and broke as hell.

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