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Many of us have a close friend of the opposite sex whom we’ve thought of “upgrading” to boyfriend or girlfriend status, especially when we get lonely or everyone else starts pairing off.
It all seems sensible! After all, you guys have history together replete with inside jokes, heart-to-heart chats and sometimes, even moments of sexual tension. Yet before you act on your growing feelings or start trying to see your opposite-sex BFF in a more romantic light, it might be best to weigh the pros and cons to see if indeed, taking the leap from ‘friend’ to lover is worth the risk.
1. You’ve seen each other at your worst
We all know the marriage vows, “ To love and honor, for better or for worse”…and don’t they sound strangely similar to what you’d do for a really good friend? Couples who have been friends for a long period of time have often seen each other at their best and worst moments. Ugly crying after a breakup? Your best guy friend has seen it. Unintentionally flirting with strangers? She’s unfazed. With such a strong foundation of friendship, you know that your friend-turned-lover still likes you as a person despite all your flaws, and that sounds like a killer combination that might just see you walking down the aisle together.
2. Skip the friends-meet-lover drama
Another plus about having your significant other be a friend first would be – well, other friends. Usually, friends-turned-lovers possess a common social circle and if the dynamic doesn’t change too much due to your new-found coupledom, you might find yourself being able to achieve that elusive balance between spending time with your friends and lover. No more grappling with issues about whether your friends hate your boyfriend or vice versa; they know and love him already! (Possibly more than they love you sometimes.) Moreover, group dates where everyone gets along can be a reality, and those looking to marriage have a built-in wedding entourage at the click of their fingers. What’s not to love?
3. Easy compatibility
Moreover, having your future boyfriend or girlfriend be a friend first is pretty much a no-brainer in terms of finding compatibility that goes the distance. What drew you together as friends in the first place was probably shared interests, values or even complementary personalities – qualities that are far more important in a mature relationship as opposed to love-at-first sight judgements often based on attractiveness. With such a strong emotional and mental connection coming first, you are less likely to allow infatuation based on physical attraction to cloud your judgement of a person’s character and compatibility with you.
1. Are you ‘settling’?
As human beings (fabulous as we are), we all get a little lonely. And sometimes, trying to see your BFF of the opposite gender in a romantic light might not be because you find him or her attractive but because you feel that it would be the practical thing to do. Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone to go on dates with and be your partner to events? In such cases, you do have to be extremely honest with yourself to see if you are truly attracted to your friend or if it’s the loneliness getting to you. Remember all those “If we are both still single by 40, I’ll marry you” pacts? Well, remember that your friend too deserves your whole hearted love if you ever decide to tread down the romantic path. Therefore, communicate well to alleviate any lingering doubts about whether you think you’re ‘settling’ for each other due to a dearth of other alternatives.
2. No more courtship?
For friends turned lovers, there might also not be a courting phase where the ladies are usually wooed by guys who are pulling out all the stops to impress. While this might be perfectly fine with individuals who prefer a more mellow, calmer form of dating, others might resent that they’ve missed the fun of the initial phase and could even feel being taken for granted if their other half does not meet their romantic needs from time to time. While this is a challenge for most couples, it might be even more pronounced in friends-turned-lovers where an easy-going friendship dynamic was already established and couples forget that they need to express themselves romantically to their partner in addition to being friends.
The elephant in the room, when it comes to turning friends into lovers, would undoubtedly be the question, “What if we break up?” Many fear that it would not work out, and the possibility of having their friendship intact would be permanently compromised after a failed relationship. Add to that the awkwardness of having shared friends and it all can seem intimidating to anyone considering their friend romantically. Yet for every person who dares not take the risk for fear of losing a great friendship, there’s also another who’s found a happily-ever-after with his or her best friend. For every friendship ruined after a tumultuous experiment with love, there’s another where both have emerged with a stronger friendship post-coupledom.
Like anything in life, there’s always a risk of failure when you strive for something that’s worth it and important to you. So if fear is holding you back, we hope that love too could play a part in your decision. Whether you eventually decide to risk it or not, you can bravely confront your feelings to see if you and that male/female BFF might just step out of the box to walk hand in hand with you towards the future.
LunchClick is Singapore’s first female-centric dating app, developed by the dating experts behind the Lunch Actually Group, the biggest dating agency in South East Asia with over 10 years of proven track record. LunchClick is perfect for serious daters and singles looking to find love – we’re SDN (Social Development Network) accredited, and we manually approve all profiles to ensure that you only meet genuine & quality singles. No swiping, no chatting, just offline dates! What are you waiting for? Download the app on the Play Store or App Store today!